Rich Manhattan Moms Purchasing Handicapped Kids On The Black Market So They Don't Have To Wait On Line At Disney World

KFC 5/14/2013 2:57 PM

She probably bought this kid on Craigslist

NY Post – Some wealthy Manhattan moms have figured out a way to cut the long lines at Disney World — by hiring disabled people to pose as family members so they and their kids can jump to the front, The Post has learned. The “black-market Disney guides” run $130 an hour, or $1,040 for an eight-hour day. “My daughter waited one minute to get on ‘It’s a Small World’ — the other kids had to wait 2 1/2 hours,” crowed one mom, who hired a disabled guide through Dream Tours Florida. “You can’t go to Disney without a tour concierge,’’ she sniffed. “This is how the 1 percent does Disney.” The woman said she hired a Dream Tours guide to escort her, her husband and their 1-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter through the park in a motorized scooter with a “handicapped” sign on it. The group was sent straight to an auxiliary entrance at the front of each attraction. Disney allows each guest who needs a wheelchair or motorized scooter to bring up to six guests to a “more convenient entrance.” The Florida entertainment mecca warns that there “may be a waiting period before boarding.” But the consensus among upper-crust moms who have used the illicit handicap tactic is that the trick is well worth the cost. Not only is their “black-market tour guide” more efficient than Disney World’s VIP Tours, it’s cheaper, too. Disney Tours offers a VIP guide and fast passes for $310 to $380 per hour. Passing around the rogue guide service’s phone number recently became a shameless ritual among Manhattan’s private-school set during spring break. The service asks who referred you before they even take your call. “It’s insider knowledge that very few have and share carefully,” said social anthropologist Dr. Wednesday Martin, who caught wind of the underground network while doing research for her upcoming book “Primates of Park Avenue.” “Who wants a speed pass when you can use your black-market handicapped guide to circumvent the lines all together?” she said.

Diabolical! Ingenius! What an unbelievable power move by the 1%. This is what you gotta understand about rich people. They’re shrewd. They’re relentless. Its not just like “Oh well they have all the money in the world, why not just pay for the Disney VIP Tour? Whats it to them? They can afford it.” You think you become a bajillionaire living on the Upper East Side on Park Ave with that sort of attitude? For sure not. Even when they’ve got more money than God himself, they still understand the value of a buck. Still making prudent financial decisions. Warren Buffet doesn’t run around making stupid decisions with money now just because he’s rich, right? Well rich Manhattan moms ain’t buying some speed pass when they can just buy a little crippled minority and see better results. Do I want some electronic beeper that lets me know when my turn is? Or do I want some poverty stricken kid with cerebral palsy who instantly makes it my turn whenever I want? No brainer. The crippled kid needs money, the rich people want convenience. Its an exchange of money for services and I think its a win-win all around. Except for those suckers who paid $380 bucks for a VIP tour watching all the bougie kids and their new paralyzed friend blow right past them on line. Those guys are definitely the big losers in this situation.